Some funnies from Ginny

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

A man with a strawberry stuck in his ear goes to the doctor. The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well........It's not unusual........."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to
have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're
right" he said,"the steaks are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.


A man decides to take a trip to toys 'r' us, as a few days later it is his niece's 7th birthday. not having much idea what to get her he walks up to one of the shop assistants and asks what do girls of that age like.The
shop assistant replies that they are often into barbie dolls at this age, and takes him along to the barbie aisle. here she starts showing the
different barbies on sale, "we have ballroom barbie and that's £19.99, we have horseriding barbie and that's £19.99, we have sking barbie also £19.99 and in for a limited time we have divorced barbie and that's £299.99" she
explains. the man looking quite perplexed looks at the shop assistant and
asks, "why are all the barbies £19.99 yet divorced barbie is £299.99"!! "well" she says, "that's because divorced barbie comes with kens car, kens
house, kens money and kens furniture"!!!