From Sayed in Egypt
WORRY
Is
there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their
own actions? Is there a wonderful moment
when parents can become detached
spectators in the lives
of their children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for
doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you
stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the
accident stage." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard
how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed
for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher
said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit
back relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled faintly and said
nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring,
the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years,
you can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was
still
worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was
nothing Icould do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said
nothing.
I
continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations
and absorbed in their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead
my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's
warm smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about
something?"
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern
for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties
and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that
elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where
were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was
worried. I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.